


At least not alone

by Bloodyvalentine



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Alcohol, Character Death, Death of a loved one, Drinking to Cope, Drunken Confessions, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hangover, Hurt/Comfort, Loss of parabatai, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Not what you're expecting you perv this is labeled teens and up, Rare Pairings, Secret Santa, Supportive Jace Wayland, lonely Magnus, morning after talk, supporting each other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-22
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2019-02-17 19:15:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,419
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13083573
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bloodyvalentine/pseuds/Bloodyvalentine
Summary: "It's bad. Can you come over and talk a bit?"He'd never have expected to become a person to ask for help, but he knows it's what his boyfriend would have wanted. To open up instead of letting this ruin him. So he tries."Me too. I'll be there soon."[...]"It's bad. Can you come over and talk a bit?"He'd never have expected to become a person to mourn with others, or to show mourning at all, but he knows it's what his best friend would have wanted. To open up instead of letting this ruin him. So he tries."Me too. I'll be there soon."





	At least not alone

**Author's Note:**

> This is my entry for the Shadowhunters rare pair networks secret Santa gift exchange on tumblr. My giftee was the awesome bloodyinspiredtowrite and she gave me some possible prompts for this story, two of them being Hurt/comfort and loss of parabatai.  
> All that's left to say now: Sorry not sorry :)

Magnus misses Alec most of the time. About every day actually, every day for two months, three weeks, and six days. Sometimes more, sometimes less. Today is one of the worse days. He doesn't understand what makes it harder, but he's found a little thing that makes it a bit better. So he curls up on the couch with Alec's favorite blanket, and picks up his phone. 

_"It's bad. Can you come over and talk a bit?"_  
He'd never have expected to become a person to ask for help, but he knows it's what his boyfriend would have wanted. To open up instead of letting this ruin him. So he tries.  
_"Me too. I'll be there soon."_  
~  
~  
Jace still feels the pain in his side from time to time, a small flashback of the moments that Alec died. He wishes there was some proof left on him of his parabatais existence, that it didn't feel at times like he had just been an illusion. He would even prefer a searing, burning wound to remind him of it over this blank patch of untouched skin where their rune used to be. But there isn't one. 

The last burst of pain has caused him to slump down onto the floor of his previously neat bedroom, now overflowing with things that Alec used to own that he didn't have the heart to throw out. He pulls his knees up to his chest in an attempt to hide the skin from himself, and stays that way until his phone starts vibrating. 

_"It's bad. Can you come over and talk a bit?"_  
He'd never have expected to become a person to mourn with others, or to show mourning at all, but he knows it's what his best friend would have wanted. To open up instead of letting this ruin him. So he tries.  
_"Me too. I'll be there soon."_  
He gets up and makes his way to Magnus' loft.  
~  
~  
The door is unlocked when Jace gets there, like it has always been recently. Jace knows it's for him, because Magnus hasn't talked to many people lately. He's admitted it the last time they sat on the floor in front of the couch together, Magnus a broke down mess, his hair tousled -not in a good way-, any attempt at make-up given up, in Alec's old pair of work-out sweats. Jace wishes he would feel guilty for thinking that he looked beautiful at that moment. He shouldn't have. They were only supposed to care for each other and help with their loss. 

The blond walks over to the couch and sits down next to Magnus, who quietly leans his head onto the offered shoulder.  
For a few minutes, they say nothing, until the warlock whispers, in a broken voice, "we need to talk about that day. We can't keep edging around it. That won't help."  
So they talk. About everything that happened. And they both sob between words, but when they end, they actually feel a bit better.  
~  
~  
It was supposed to be an average hunt, one they had done like that for what felt like the millionth time by then. They had gone out in a group of three to do it, Jace, Alec and Isabelle. It all seemed well until the small group of demons they were fighting suddenly turned out to be bigger than expected, another five creatures appearing behind them and getting them cornered in the old abandoned building. They continued fighting, slowly getting dragged apart, and still, they held up. 

They managed to get their enemies down to four, when Isabelle heard Jace scream in unbelievable pain. She turned towards him, but could not see anything to have caused such a blood curdling sound. The only thing she noticed was him clutching his side with the parabatai rune and the panic in his eyes. Her stomach dropped and she felt close to puking as her head snapped over to her brother, a demon's claw sunken deep enough into his back to reach out of his stomach, while he had been busy finishing off another one. 

In a desperate need to get to him, she wrapped her whip around the throat of the demon she was currently fighting, and hit the one that had attacked Alec with her blade, slicing it from its head to the middle of its chest.  
Then she sank onto the floor next to her kneeling brother and pulled him against her, sobbing quietly as she felt the last bits of life leaving him. 

Jace on the other hand, was out of control. His angel blade had found the last demon quickly, and now that they were safe, Jace crashed to the floor in excruciating pain, feeling as if the demons venom was not only running through his Parabatai's intestines, but his own too. 

He clutched at his rune again and felt it burn into his skin. He felt even worse when the physical pain subsided, and the ink of the binding rune started to fade under the touch of his fingertips.  
Soon, it was gone completely. And the blond man crawled over the dirty ground to clutch at the corpse of his best friend and brother.  
~  
~  
He was dressed entirely in white. As he looked into the mirror, he thought to himself that he probably just looked very attractive to others right now, the color complimenting his pale blond hair and bringing out the golden hue of his eyes, but to him, it was nothing but a reminder that his best friend, the other half of his soul, was no longer there with him. 

He punched the mirror without even thinking about it, and turned, no longer being able to look at his reflection. In that moment, he hated himself.  
" _Whither thou diest, I will die, and there I will be buried._ I wish."  
~  
~  
Magnus couldn't join the funeral, his warlock nature forbade him of entering the realms of the silent brothers. He wonders sometimes if it had been easier if he could have been there to say his last goodbyes. Sometimes he thinks it wouldve broken him to see his lover dead. This way, he could still imagine him happy, somewhere. Just without him.  
~  
~  
Jace wonders how he and Magnus started to comfort each other. Maybe it had been right at the start, when the shadowhunter had stumbled into Magnus' apartment, still covered in demon blood and shaking, to tell him what had happened. He had felt so filled with guilt and the pain of loss that some part of him had hoped that Magnus would tear him apart and kill him then and there for not saving Alec. 

"Alec is... On a hunt.. I couldn't protect him... I failed him. He's... Gone."  
But Magnus had done nothing but motioned for him to sit on the large sofa, as he sank down in front of it and started crying silently.  
"Magnus... I'm so sorry."  
"I know. Don't be." It had seemed odd for the two men, that had never quite gotten along, to now just sit in the same apartment, sobbing in unison, but neither one could've afforded to be alone at the time. And at some point, they had started talking. About Alec first, and then about anything and everything.  
~  
~  
~  
A few more weeks pass and the weight of missing Alec has still not faded, but it seems to be a bit easier to carry. Magnus is starting to function again, even though his loft feels terribly empty. So he invites Jace over all the time. Isabelle too, sometimes, but somehow he finds himself enjoying the male's company. He'd even say that they've started to become friends. 

And when he thinks about it very thoroughly, he gets afraid of the little tug in his heart when he hugs Jace hello or goodbye. He forbids himself to think about it. The last time, it went terribly wrong, and that's why he is where he is now.  
He tells himself maybe, once the blonde gets better, and goes back to his usual cocky self, it'll be easier to ignore. 

Magnus tries to suffocate the little voice in the back of his mind that tells him Jace already is his nearly usual self again - he can see it in his eyes sometimes, when they start glinting in that special way that is just so _Jace_ , and hear it in his voice when he starts his dipshit comments again - and he likes it. 

With all the peace and roughness and mystery that Alec was and he loved, Jace's fiery wildness makes him burn sometimes, too. And it makes his heart trip when he's soft.

He shudders at his own affection for the other man, and the bit of aching guilt for being totally aware of the fact that he's currently falling in love with the parabatai of his dead boyfriend.  
He's not sure what Alex would think. 

So much about forbidding himself to think about it, he tells himself as his head falls against the door that he lead the shadowhunter out of a few minutes ago.  
He looks through his loft, and for the first time in five months, he decides to redecorate again and get a change from the dull colors that the room accidentally turned into when his magic went wild once he had actually realized his boyfriend was gone and buried.  
Now, he even reorganizeshis jewelry collection to keep himself distracted. It doesn't work quite as well as he hopes, but it does make him feel better.  
~  
~  
When Jace drops by Magnus' the next time, a little bag of pastries in his hand which he knows the warlock and him both like (he feels oddly domestic like this, it's kinda ridiculous but he loves it anyway), he is surprised to say the least.  
The apartment is back more to like it looked before everything happened, there's warm colors around him and the furniture has changed and moved. It's still in darker colors, not quite bright and happy, but close, and he likes it. It's more Magnus again. Or maybe it has been Magnus all along, and he just likes him better colorful and content. 

He sees Magnus currently rummaging through his kitchen, and smiles at him softly.  
And when the dark haired man smiles back, it finally reaches his eyes again.  
It's embarrassing of him to compare, but Jace feels like cupids arrow just hit him, as a mixture of emotions spreads through his chest. Unbelievable admiration and affection for the other man, and the bit of aching guilt for being totally aware of the fact that he's currently falling in love with the boyfriend of his dead parabatai. 

He's not sure what Alec would think. 

~  
~  
By the time half a year has passed since Alec's death, they both seem okay. But they still fear the very night that marks six months, so they spend it together, with a few bottles of whisky to empty their heads. 

It works well to get rid of the significance of the day, and to loosen their tongues. They tell each other about things they enjoy, Jace will talk about an author he loves and Magnus might drop a story about how he met them a long time ago in another country, and they'll laugh and drink another glass.  
They talk about people they know and people they love and people they hate, their favorite animals and things that cheer them up. They talk about things that moved them and made them sad. They talk about Alec a bit. About Magnus' passed lovers and Jace's hookups. And it's easy.  
And at some point, when they're drunk enough and their tongues are loose and bodies are at ease, they lean into each other, Jace resting his head on the warlock's shoulder, who has his arm wrapped around his waist.  
~  
Magnus is the first one to talk. He says, "I don't know if this is right Jace."  
The addressed feels his heart tighten a little bit, close to straightening up and regain his posture, until he keeps talking.  
"But it feels like it, and I've lived too long to care for anything but that."

Jace sighs from the relief he feels right now and he feels so out of character, but he can only nod. It takes a while for him to regain his wit, he's such a player usually when he's drunk, but not so much when something is serious to him.  
"Do you think you'd curse me if I tried to kiss you right now, high warlock of Brooklyn?"  
He smirks, but he's afraid of the answer. But Magnus just gives him his trademark grin and leans in. Jace swears his eyes look like those of a cat for a moment.  
"Only if you stop."

And then they're kissing. It's shy at first, a little clumsy from the alcohol, but as it deepens both are sure they never want it to stop. So they don't, until they fall asleep on Magnus' giant futon, cuddled up to each other, and for the first time in quite some time, absolutely happy.  
~  
~  
When Jace wakes up the next morning, he feels warm. The memories of last night come back slowly, but fully, and accompanied by a pounding headache. He groans quietly and buries his face in Magnus' t-shirt, who tiredly wraps an arm around him.  
"Morning Jace."  
So he is aware that it's actually not Alec pressing up against him.  
He wonders if Alec would be okay with this. He would like to think so. 

Jace opens his eyes and groans again, the light hurts his head and he's thirsty. Maybe he should've drunken some water the night before, what a shame he didn't. Under his cheek, the warlock starts chuckling.  
"Hangover? Wait, lean up for me for a second."  
He follows the command, motions slow, and looks at the other. Lips press to his softly and he feels the tingling of Magnus' magic, washing over him and taking his pain away. 

"You could've just waved your hands around, you know that right?" He questions with a grin on his face.  
"I could have. But it's way more fun like this."  
"Won't stop you. I think there's some pain left though, you might need to try again."  
Magnus just bites down on his lip softly and gets up.  
"I'm gonna make breakfast."  
~  
~  
~  
If Alec does see them now, he probably smiles. At least the people he loves are both not alone.

**Author's Note:**

> So, that was it! I hope you all liked it, specially my giftee Elisa.  
> I started writing this when I was having a fairly bad moment and I spent most of the time writing it on the bus, so I hope it turns out good. I'm always digging feedback by the way *hint hint*


End file.
